Going home outfit

So I'm obsessed with boy baby clothes. Let me tell you it is really hard shopping for a boy! I being the shopaholic I am want to buy every single cute outfit. Mostly I've thought about what I want to bring Wilson home in. Since he will be born in May, I'm not really sure what the weather is going to be like. It can still be a little chilly but it could be a really warm day when he gets to come home.

So my number one outfit pick is this. I already own it and think its just the most darling thing ever! I even want to buy it in different sizes I just love it so much!


I only have it in newborn jeez. Don't worry. It is fairly lightweight but I think still warm enough that if it is too cold I can just blanket him up and he won't be cold.

On another note I also have this outfit
which has a cute little matching hat. I still think the first one is the cutest. But this one with the hat might be more practical. Wilson could have some crazy cone shaped head and I might want to cover that up. Or be a baldie! Hee Hee.I also got this adorable outfit from my baby shower which could work really well too since if its too cold i could use the one long sleeve shirt or the short sleeve shirt.
I also have a couple more options as you can see I still haven't made up my mind. I might pack a couple outfits and see what I end up putting him in.

32 weeks!

In hopefully 8 more weeks, I will be giving birth to our son! I'm excited, overwhelmed, nervous, and of course impaitent!
Andy and I have started taking classes offered at Ball Memorial Hospital. The first one we just finished is the Birthing class. There were 4 of us ladies there and amazingingly 3 out of the 4 of us are going for a natural childbirth. This is even more so amazing because the statistics for BMH is that 90% of the women actually get an epidural.
The birthing coach even commented that normally she might have one couple say they are doing NCB if any at all.

Even the one mom to be said she was leaning towards an epidural but she wanted to see what it was like at first anyways which makes sense.

I've gotten some comments from people who are like "You will want to get an epidural trust me."
I don't mind that they tell me this, but I don't like them assuming that I can't do it. It definitely makes me nervous about doing it. Not so much second guessing myself but just like "Wow, it's going to be really painful."

My mom had 3 out of 4 natural childbirths, me being a c-section baby because I was breech. That's probably the only thing I am actually worried about. Going to the hospital and laboring for hours only to find out that Wilson's not coming out and then getting a c-section.

Since I got my appendix out I am at least familiar with how my body is going to feel afterwards if I had to get one and I recovered pretty well. But that first week was tough. So I can't imagine having a c-section and then having to take care of Wilson on top of that.

Luckily I have Andy and yes he is love to play his video games but I know when Wilson gets here, he will be Andy's top priority, and just because he has Wilson doesn't mean that his video games days are over. I'm sure there will be some sleepless nights where Andy will play with Wilson watching.

I myself have really slacked on my own video gaming. I used to pride myself on being a nerd gamer girl. Uber RPG nerd girl. Probably the nerdiest of the nerds. No not like dungeons and dragons but more like Final Fantasy. But I'm more old school than these new rpgs which are too action based for my tastes. But as of lately when I get home from work, the last thing I feel like doing is playing my games. I end up doing tons of online surfing about you guessed it! Baby stuff!
An exciting thing I am working on right now is pre addressing the announcements enevelopes for Wilson. I found a cute birth announcement on etsy and went ahead and bought them. I hope that I can get a nice picture of Wilson well techincally 3 nice pictures of him since it is a front and back annoucement. So I am going to need 3 pictures. There is a photographer in the hospital and if you walk around the Labor and Delivery floor you can see different pictures that he took on there.

Some of them were just soo cute! Just 8 more weeks hopefully!! Oh and belly picture at 32 weeks! HUGE!!

Baby Shower!

So this past saturday my best friend threw my baby shower for me! She did an amazing job and is just so creative!
She made these super cute diaper centerpieces and bought personalized pencils that say Wilson Thomas Kirk on them.



Then she made me a beautiful Diaper cake! Which was just so cute! It is now sitting on Wilson's dresser because I don't want to take it apart.


I also had a wonderfully cute shower cake that Andy's cousin made! It took me forever to finally let them cut the cake and it was super delicious too!



I had a wonderful time and hope everyone who came did as well! Can't believe that less than 9 weeks and I will be having a Wilson (hopefully) in my arms!

Here's a picture of me with the Hostess! Can you believe we are just 5 days apart?! We keep joking that its a race who's going to give birth first? This is Shawna's second though so I think she has the advantage! :)

Present in the mail!

On Tuesday after work I came home to find a huge box on my door step. We had no idea it was coming and it turned out to be our Travel System I had registered for on my Baby Registry.
The carseat is a huge relief to have now and I feel really lucky to have got it purchased for me rather than having to buy it myself. I can't wait to use it in the summer and take Wilson for walks.


Here is the picture of the infant carrier and stroller together. I picked a neutral color for when we have other kids. Hopefully I can reuse it for my next one. You can also kind of see my diaper bag that I am excited about. It's a "designer" diaper bag that I got for a really good price and it's made from recycled water bottles. Go eco friendly stuff! It's not super fashionable and I'm sure I'll end up buying another diaper bag that is more something I can use everyday but it has so much room and compartments and for the price I bought it. It really was a great buy!!
Here's another picture just of the infant carrier. I really love the patter on it! :)

One thing done, so much more to do!

Andy and my brother and I built our crib and dresser for Wilson yesterday.
The crib looked pretty simple since it had 5 pieces to it but there were a lot of screws going into that thing. I'm very happy with it so far. I don't have a Wilson yet to really see what it's going to be like but it's ridiculously sturdy and perfect height for me. I don't have to bend over very far to be able to reach him. And as he gets bigger I can adjust the mattress to a lower level so he won't fall out if he tries to climb out which would be about the time I turn it into a toddler bed anyways. I don't plan on putting a bumper on until I see if he is a big time mover as he gets older.
I'm not using one yet because well he will be a newborn, how much moving around can he really do? I just plan on putting him in a sleep sack and thats about it. But when he gets older and the chances of SIDS decreases I may or may not use the bumper. It just depends on Wilson. I won't knock anyone who thinks differently and decided to use a bumper or if they are adamant against it. That's your own choice.
I just happened to get one with my bedding so I have the option of using it if I feel necessary.

The dresser on the other hand is a bit of a disappointment. While it matches the crib fairly nice. We already broke the leg off it! It was our own stupid mistake and plan on gluing the leg back on but it is a very heavy dresser and apparently you should only lift it up off to where you plan on moving it. I am debating on taking all the legs off and seeing how it looks that way but right now we are leaving it as is. The drawers are really nice though and glide really well and besides the one leg problem it seems to be a decent dresser.

I was originally wanting to buy a cheap used dresser and try to paint it but I decided that involved too much work for me so I nixed that idea. I also bought 2 totes and plan on having a clothing system of clothes he can wear in the dresser, clothes he outgrows in one tote and clothes he doesn't fit yet in the other tote. And then the nicer outfits hung up. Boy clothes though don't really have nice outfits that must be more of a girl thing with all the dresses you can buy. I think Wilson will be a casual baby. Lots of tshirts and onesies and shorts/pants. So I don't really find it necessary to hang up everything? I'm sure he will have a couple things to hang up but I just don't envision seeing a whole closet filled with clothes for him. Little boys don't like to get all dressed up anyways :)

It is heavy.

Being a person growing up in an alcoholic dysfunctional family, I sometimes have really hard time expressing myself and what I am actually feeling.
It's far easier to just shut myself up and smile and act like nothing is wrong. A lot of people do this too, not just victims of abuse, some people do it because they want everyone to think that they are perfect, or they don't want to share anything personal with people. It's not that I don't want to do that, but for me personally, I don't want to shut myself up anymore. I don't want to act like nothing hurts me, that I don't make mistakes, that I don't worry if I am making the right decisions.
Its like when people ask you "How are you doing?" Do you really want to know? Are you just asking to be polite? In probably 99% of the time these people are just asking. They don't want to see you break down and say "No, I'm having a pretty awful day."

This is just a blog. I get to type whatever I want in here and yet I feel like I can't. That people who will read this will think to themselves "Why is she posting such personal stuff up on here?" Its like that on Facebook too. If you are sad or post a status about feeling down. You get at least one status from another friend claiming how they hate how people put too much stuff on facebook. No one wants to really share anything. No one really wants to be your friend. I try really hard to keep my friends list to a minimum and have friends who actually do care about if I do put something up more personal. People who if they see I am having a bad day want to lift me up and support me.

For me personally, writing has always been the only way I could get my feelings out. There was no one to really talk to. And the two people I would love to confront most, I can't.
You can't talk to an alcoholic. You just sit there and take the abuse and the next day when they are sorry have to listen to them cry, and say they are sorry and that it won't happen again.
But it does. It always does.

For every good day I lived in that house there would be countless nights filled with screaming, fighting, and kids who wanted love and support, but instead got nothing.
When I say nothing I mean nothing. Oh thank you for the roof over my head. Apparently I should be grateful for that.
But why is it, I can't help but be angry that I didn't get more? I often wonder am I always going to feel like this? I should say its not as much angry as it is bitter.
I got dealt this, and am trying to learn to live with it.

I am trying to look forward and enjoy all the wonderful things my life is going to be experiencing. But I hold that hurt inside, just a little. Maybe when my own little man is here, and any other future children, I can learn to let it go little by little. I hope so.

28 weeks! 3 months left!

Wow I can't believe I'm already in my 3rd trimester! I have basically 12 weeks left! When I actually sit and think about it I get all emotional thinking about when I finally get to meet my son.
He and I both are growing and getting bigger which isnt a bad thing but I gained more weight finally and can see it in my face. YUCK.The weather as of lately has been terribad and gross and yucky. Its almost the end of february and I'm so ready for this stupid snow to get outta here! I want it to start getting warmer out and to not be icy so I don't have to worry about if I'm going to miss a patch of ice and slip and fall. Thank goodness I'm having Wilson in May! Timing wise it's going to be really nice. It will be warm but not super hot and I basically get to have the summer with Wilson.
Also I'm tired of being super pasty white! Why didn't I get my mom's awesome Korean genes and be more dark complected like my brother? At least if I could get outside I could get some natural sun and get a little bit of color on my face. I guess I'm not really pasty pasty white. I just like having a bit more of a tan.
On another note, Andy and I purchased a brand new mattress and boxspring. YAY!
No more sleeping on the full size bed that was sooo junky. When I mean junky I mean that if we hadn't bought a foam mattress topper there is literally no way we could sleep on our mattress. It was probably the most uncomfortable bed ever.
I am not exaggerating when I say that bed was a piece of crap. If you read this and think "oh i'm sure it wasn't that bad." then I would LOOOOVVVEEE for you to try to sleep on it just one night.
Take my word for it. It was just awful. Sleeping on the floor with a blanket would be right around the same effect as this mattress. In fact I threatened many a night to do just that! But anyways the mattress from hell is now forever gone and we have in its place a wonderful queen size bed! It is amazing and we hope to have it for a long time. It has a 15 year warranty on it so we are hoping that it will last that long if not longer.
Last but not least we purchased a dresser and nightstand that will hopefully be matching the crib we bought. We bought the nightstand and I plan on putting a basket on the bottom part to put diaper stuff in it and just change Wilson on the floor if he needs a changing while in that room.
I didnt want to buy a changing table and the dresser we bought is a tall dresser. But I look at it as when Wilson grows up we can keep using it as is for nursery stuff or it will be his actual bedroom furniture and buy a twin bed or something to that effect.
First thing is we have to see how long it holds up so I'll let you know about 5 years from now.

I guess I'll end this with a 28 week belly shot.