First week down.

So Wilson's first week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Joy over finally having him, anxiety from being a first time parent, and then with his feeding and weight loss issues a lot of fear and guilt.

The 3 days at the hospital it seemed like everything was easy. I had breastfeeding down and while there were a couple issues with his latching on and positioning, the biggest thing was that I wasn't expressing even a teaspoon of colostrum yet. The nurses and lactation consultants were a big help and we really loved our nurse Becky that got to work with us for 2 shifts! She was really helpful and so sweet and we got along great.

Coming home was a bit different though. We now had this little baby and were all by ourselves and that first night alone was quite scary! I was still struggling with the breastfeeding and by the time nighttime rolled around Wilson was up and not a happy camper.

On Sunday we were still trying to get by but Wilson was just soo not happy and crying constantly. We both were thinking that newborns are supposed to sleep a lot and eat and be changed and that was it. But Wilson was up a lot and would hardly sleep and was by this time having major problems with the breastfeeding. After another long and sleepless night with Wilson crying and basically not calming down enough to breastfeed. We got to go to the Dr. on Monday morning.

When we left the hospital he weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces and had already lost 6 which of course is normal.
By tuesday when we weighed him his weight had shockingly dropped to 6 pounds 5 ounces.

Andy and I were both really upset. The pediatrician then recommended we start supplementing right away and was frankly worried about the weight loss as well.
We also consulted with the lactation nurse and tried to get a little more help with the breastfeeding. My milk still hadnt come in so while Wilson got fed a little at the feeding it still was not enough to satisfy him.

We got home and immediately gave him a bottle which he drank almost as fast as we had gotten it ready. From there he has just been a feeding machine and we had to supplement with a lot of formula. He was showing signs of hunger every 2 hours almost if not less! They had told us that with the formula he would feel fuller and maybe eat every 3-4 hours but with him it was not the case.

We also had jaundice problems which stemmed from the feeding problems. Those couple days of him not eating anything made him not have wet/dirty diapers hardly at all. Which means that he couldnt get rid of the bilirubin in his body. We had to put him on a bili blanket and that also was very hard because it really hinders how you can hold him and makes it difficult.

All in all those first 3 days at home were just hard. I was trying to pump, feed, and then pump some more and then supplement feed him. And I was overwhelmed. I had a mini breakdown on Wednesday and just cried and cried. I definitely felt like I had let him down and had starved him and by this point hated breastfeeding. I know part of it was I was tired but part of it is feeling so much pressure to do it.

Andy made me try to go lay down and sleep but I just couldn't at that point I was just too upset. He and I discussed it and decided that formula feeding is probably what is going to work best with us. I still feel guilt about it but already I feel a huge weight off my chest. Not having to worry about my milk supply and pumping and being able to enjoy actually feeding him!

I will probably get a lot of flak or opinions about the breastmilk but for my own sanity thats what we have decided to do.

On a better note since we started the formula everything has become better. Wilson is much more content and back on track with the weight and wet/dirty diapers. We are still trying to work out a schedule for him as far as nights go because he definitely is a little more fussy at night than during the day.

All in all this week has definitely been a rollercoaster for Andy and I both. We are trying to take it one day at a time and enjoy Wilson as he changes with each day.