A while back I was going to blog about my decision to formula feed Calllie. Strangely enough, I am actually NOT formula feeding Callie but am breastfeeding.
So I guess I'll kinda start off from the beginning if I can remember much. I know that I got Callie to latch on but I remember feeling immediately unsettled because she would latch on and suck for a bit and then pull away and cry/be fussy.
I was worried that I was doing to her what
Wilson went through and so after a couple attempts and seeing that nothing was coming out yet. I went ahead and asked for formula. *Cue the evil glares and head shaking*
I had been on the fence about trying breastfeeding. I knew I wanted to see how it would go this time around but with the beginning already seeming just like with Wilson, I was already ready to do the switch and was not feeling guilty about it. (well sort of. I mean I think when you can't get the "hang" of breastfeeding or they don't do what you want them to, you always feel kinda guilty)
We came home on Friday afternoon, and that whole weekend Callie was in her newborn sleepy phase and hardly woke up to eat at all. Leaving the hospital we had gotten some formula and when she wanted to eat we would make her some formula and feed her.
A good 3-4 days later I woke up to feeling rock hard breasts that were just ready to explode. And thus began my journey with the breastfeeding.
I figured I would pump until the boobs ran dry. I thought this because with Wilson my milk all but disappeared after 6 weeks of trying. Looking back, he was just a different baby. I don't know, he wanted instant gratification and I think with my milk being slow/too little or he was just too lazy to work for it, my milk dried out and he wanted formula.
I'm not sad for him. We did what was best for him. I jokingly say that he gave up the good stuff for the yucky stuff. (I mean formula does smell and taste yuck compared to breastmilk.)
But he was happy and thriving and we made do with it. It made going back to work so much easier as well. We just left formula with the grandparents and they would make a bottle and no hassle. No worrying about building up some crazy stash and constantly being attached to a machine.
So I started pumping and then nursing a little here and there. I wasn't even sure if she was getting enough because she loved nursing until she fell asleep and I would read things that say that if your baby falls asleep at the breast that they might not be getting enough.
I think about a week of doing this pumping and nursing I got my first bout of a light case of Mastitis.
I say a light case because I didn't have to go and get antibiotics and it cleared up after a day. I knew it wasn't a blocked duct because I couldn't feel anything hard in either breast and had the "flu" like symptoms.
It was terrible. Trying to take care of a newborn and at the time a 19 month old and have that was just killer.
I actually had my good friend Rebecca come and watch the babies for me while I slept. That's all I wanted to do. She came over at like 8 or 9 in the morning and let me sleep til it was like after 3pm.
She was worried about me and came to check on me. I was in a coma.
I thought for sure that being in that sleep coma that my supply would tank. I didn't wake to nurse her at all that day and I didn't pump either I don't think. I maybe had a bottle or two in the fridge but I ca't even remember now.
Either way. I was like "Well I missed a whole day of breastfeeding so I'm sure that's over."
But only it wasn't. I didn't notice any huge hit to my "supply." Callie was still nursing and not pulling away and acting still hungry. So I thought we were still good to go.
About a month and a half later in January I got another bout of the Mastitis. This one was very sad. Andy was now back to work. My good friend Rebecca was now a full time nanny. And it was just me and the babies.
No wonderful sleep coma this time. I knew this one was going to happen because the night before going to bed I felt like one of my breasts were tender. I thought "Oh no." and sure enough when I woke up, it was all the same symptoms again.
This time since I didn't get to sleep through it, I had to try to take care of Wilson and Callie. So I actually nursed her and well, unfortunately Wilson didn't get the best of my attention but he was fed, changed, and somewhat entertained by the TV a lot that day.
Andy got home at like 5 or something and sent me straight up to bed and basically took both kids for the next like 6 hours.
He woke me back up at around midnight so that he could go to bed and handed Callie off to me.
Anyhoo. I was starting off constantly doing both breasts at feedings. I'd let her nurse one side and then do the other.
Now at 3.5 months we do one side per feeding and I don't pump. Honestly. I just get so bored sitting there. I'd rather just nurse and do it that way rather than pump and have Andy feed her or something.
I do admit I constantly worry if I'm giving her enough.
We went in for her 2 month appointment and she gained almost the same amount of weight that Wilson had for his 2 month check up so that reassured me.
I miss sleep though. It's very hit or miss with Callie. Some nights she sleeps a good 6-7 hours and other nights she's up at 3-4 hours.
So far everything is going good. I stay at home so it's very easy to just whip em out and nurse. Somedays we are so lazy we lay on the couch.
I don't know how long this will last but for now it's working. I'm in uncharted territory because all I had known with Wilson was the struggle and the switch to formula.
I'm constantly wondering if today will be the day that for whatever reason they stop working.
I won't be upset this time. I'm ready and prepared. It won't be the end of the world for me.
Hell, I might just switch once she starts teething.
The thought of teeth chomping down on me.... freaks me out.
But we will see what happens. I am happy with where we are now and if we make it longer then that's wonderful, but this time I won't feel the guilt if we have to switch.
So there you go. My "I'm gonna formula feed, but instead am breastfeeding." Story.
