You don't get these moments back.

When I was pregnant early on with Wilson, I worried about miscarriage, or any of the heartbreaking things that could happen while he was in utero.
Since Friday, I look longingly at my precious children, and wish I could have them safe in my uterus again.
Safe from a world, where there is so much pain.
I can't protect my children from everything. As they get older, more independent, make their way out into the world, I won't be able to shield them.

The scariest thing of being a parent is knowing a literal piece of your heart is that little baby girl with those long eyelashes, and that little boy with that mischievous grin.

A part of me is them, and I don't know how I could endure if I were to lose them.

These past couple nights, I've snuggled them closer, kissed their cheeks far more than they've liked, spoiled them with treats, studied their little features, their hands, fingers, toes.

There is so much pain in this world, and in two rooms under our roof, there is infinite, wonderous beauty.

I crept into their rooms again tonight, to look at that beauty. To try to capture it.

That sweet sigh, soft breathing, hearing a gentle heart beat in one room from a noise machine, and the sound of ocean waves in another.

I know i can't fully capture it. It's beyond words, pictures, it's beyond anything I could describe.

Meeting mall Santa.

Decided that the kids should go meet Santa and so when Andy got off work we headed to the mall.

Callie I think needed 2 naps today because she was super clingy later in the day.

So I got the kids dressed in their little outfits.

Neither baby wanted to sit in the stroller. Doh.

When we got there Santa was no where to be found. He was apparently feeding the reindeer. Aka taking a break somewhere. Probably smoking and boozing it up. I would if I had to be Santa.

I jokingly told Andy I'd even take a picture of both of them crying in Santa's lap. Because that is hilarious.

But instead I got a pretty cute picture. Wilson was totally cool with Santa. He didn't want to sit in his lap but I don't blame him.

Callie has to warm up to people and we literally threw her on his lap and started taking pictures.

Still though, I have seriously the most adorable kids.

Callie at 1 year.

Well it's been a couple days, but last year here is what I was doing! ^ See picture above.

I can't believe how fast my daughter's first year has come and gone. She has been such an amazing addition to our family. A long cherished dream come true for mommy especially. I'm so lucky to get to be a mommy to a little Stinks, and now my very own little Sweets.

Callie is pulling up on everything and starting to figure out how to cruise around the furniture, but I can see the stubbornness in her, she'd rather do it her way than try something new.

She's finally not army crawling all the time, and will crawl on her hands and knees, but if she wants to get somewhere fast she will get back on that belly.

Her hair is getting long enough I can more easily put it up in a little ponytail. I'm a little worried that as the hair gets longer, I'm going to be at a loss at how to do it.

I'm a mess when it comes to doing cute hairstyles, so hopefully I can figure it out in the future.

She loves to eat everything she can. I find her regularly on the floor scouring for any dropped food.

She refuses to drink out of her own sippy cup, but if brother leaves his out, she's on it like a Hawk!

So she is still getting her milk in bottles, but I am trying to give her more sippy cups with water, milk, some juice with water in it.

Luckily I have a bunch of different sippies for her to try out. Hopefully she will figure it out soon so we can get rid of those bottles!

Oh and last but not least her measurements:

Weight: 18.7 lbs
Height: 28.75 inches
Head: 18.3 inches

So she's on the low side for weight, middle ground for height, and like 85% for the head.

I've noticed it can be a chore getting a shirt over her head but isn't that for all babies?

Callie weighs less than Wilson did but is almost a whole inch longer! I don't remember his head stats but how funny.

I do wish one of my babies would've been really chunky.

Wilson was average, he wasn't like super chunk baby and Callie has been just my little skinny minnie!

Gotta feed her more or something!

Christmas photo challenge.

Over on my Instagram I'm doing a 25 day photo challenge for Christmas!

Check me out at Harroanna.

My Instagram is private. Just request to follow me and see my almost daily Instagram of my kids, food, and hello kitty.

Day 30

Well, it's the last day for Nablomo. And it's the last day that my daughter is under 1.

I can't believe that right now, I was on my way to the hospital.

That my son was asleep in a pack n play at our friends house ( who are getting ready for their own little bundle here!)

It was chilly out, I think it is warmer today than it was last year!

I was nervous about getting induced, how it would all go. But it was so much calmer than Wilson's birth.

I do think I should've told the nurse sooner about getting ready to push, I think Callie had so much bruising because I didn't get her out fast enough.

Oh man, do I remember how much she cried though! She was so mad!

That hasn't changed! Even now if I take something away, or don't feed her fast enough, pick her up fast enough, I hear it!


I just spent the evening finishing up the birthday party.

I know, babies don't care about their first birthday. It's something more for me, than it is for her. But still, I hope they will look back someday and maybe hopefully see that I threw them parties, not for presents, not to show off, not to fulfill any crazy thing I saw on Pinterest.

But for them. To celebrate the day they came into this world. To celebrate the joy, the tears, the laughs, the tantrums, the funny stories.

The birthdays will come, but I'm not sure if ill ever be ready for them to go.