Before I had Wilson, I never understood unconditional love. I know my parents had it for me, through all my choices, good or bad. But I didn't understand it.
When friends would treat me bad, I would easily write them off. When boyfriends would dump me or vice versa, that was it.
I didn't know what it meant.
But having Wilson, I am slowly learning it.
Even though he is just a small tiny baby, not yet making his own choices with his life. I am beginning to feel it. To see it.
To look at him and know that ANY choice I make, affects him.
Before, I only thought of myself, and how it would affect me. Now with Wilson, I think about what will affect him? I'm not ashamed to say that I even put him and his needs over my own. Not that ashamed is the right word, I don't think I'm saying it quite right. I guess I have no problems putting him first. Where as before I had him, I could never put anything first over myself.
Through him, I am learning mercy and grace. Something I didn't understand before him.
I'm still learning it. But HE teaches it to me everyday.
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Yep. I'm learning it too. Weird right? I thought before I had a baby I'd just be me but with a baby (i.e. I knew I'd have to take care of her, but that would be the end of it). I didn't realize I'd want to take care of her and do everything for her and make sure she's fed before I am and all that stuff. It's kinda weird, but also amazingly awesome to know that you have that capacity for love. It also makes me so sad when I think about people being alienated from their parents or kids as adults and I think, for as much as I love my daughter, how gut-wrenching would it be if she decided she hated me? What would I do?! I've already wrapped my identity up in her. It's insane!
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