So Wilson's first week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Joy over finally having him, anxiety from being a first time parent, and then with his feeding and weight loss issues a lot of fear and guilt.
The 3 days at the hospital it seemed like everything was easy. I had breastfeeding down and while there were a couple issues with his latching on and positioning, the biggest thing was that I wasn't expressing even a teaspoon of colostrum yet. The nurses and lactation consultants were a big help and we really loved our nurse Becky that got to work with us for 2 shifts! She was really helpful and so sweet and we got along great.
Coming home was a bit different though. We now had this little baby and were all by ourselves and that first night alone was quite scary! I was still struggling with the breastfeeding and by the time nighttime rolled around Wilson was up and not a happy camper.
On Sunday we were still trying to get by but Wilson was just soo not happy and crying constantly. We both were thinking that newborns are supposed to sleep a lot and eat and be changed and that was it. But Wilson was up a lot and would hardly sleep and was by this time having major problems with the breastfeeding. After another long and sleepless night with Wilson crying and basically not calming down enough to breastfeed. We got to go to the Dr. on Monday morning.
When we left the hospital he weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces and had already lost 6 which of course is normal.
By tuesday when we weighed him his weight had shockingly dropped to 6 pounds 5 ounces.
Andy and I were both really upset. The pediatrician then recommended we start supplementing right away and was frankly worried about the weight loss as well.
We also consulted with the lactation nurse and tried to get a little more help with the breastfeeding. My milk still hadnt come in so while Wilson got fed a little at the feeding it still was not enough to satisfy him.
We got home and immediately gave him a bottle which he drank almost as fast as we had gotten it ready. From there he has just been a feeding machine and we had to supplement with a lot of formula. He was showing signs of hunger every 2 hours almost if not less! They had told us that with the formula he would feel fuller and maybe eat every 3-4 hours but with him it was not the case.
We also had jaundice problems which stemmed from the feeding problems. Those couple days of him not eating anything made him not have wet/dirty diapers hardly at all. Which means that he couldnt get rid of the bilirubin in his body. We had to put him on a bili blanket and that also was very hard because it really hinders how you can hold him and makes it difficult.
All in all those first 3 days at home were just hard. I was trying to pump, feed, and then pump some more and then supplement feed him. And I was overwhelmed. I had a mini breakdown on Wednesday and just cried and cried. I definitely felt like I had let him down and had starved him and by this point hated breastfeeding. I know part of it was I was tired but part of it is feeling so much pressure to do it.
Andy made me try to go lay down and sleep but I just couldn't at that point I was just too upset. He and I discussed it and decided that formula feeding is probably what is going to work best with us. I still feel guilt about it but already I feel a huge weight off my chest. Not having to worry about my milk supply and pumping and being able to enjoy actually feeding him!
I will probably get a lot of flak or opinions about the breastmilk but for my own sanity thats what we have decided to do.
On a better note since we started the formula everything has become better. Wilson is much more content and back on track with the weight and wet/dirty diapers. We are still trying to work out a schedule for him as far as nights go because he definitely is a little more fussy at night than during the day.
All in all this week has definitely been a rollercoaster for Andy and I both. We are trying to take it one day at a time and enjoy Wilson as he changes with each day.
27 May 2010
24 May 2010
Birth story!
To start off with Wilson's birth was interesting to say the least. I wanted to go natural and was going to get induced on the evening 23rd which I was nervous about because I was thinking I would then have to have more medical interventions. Possible c section etc etc.
Well on Wednesday evening around 9pm I felt what was like a pretty intense menstural cramp. It's been like 10 months but that's all I could really think that it felt like. It came really off like maybe every 20 minutes or more but maybe a little less. It was enough to where I was like "Hmm?" but not really thinking anything of it.
I finally thought something was up at around 1 am and started thinking I should write down the times of when they started. So from 1:23 am I would have a contraction every 7-10 minutes for like an hour and a half.
At 3am the contractions were coming around every 5 minutes but there would be some where it was still 7-10 minutes apart. So then I really thought for sure I was in labor but not progressed enough to call the doctors.
I still hadn't had a bloody show or water breaking so that was another reason I held off on calling.
By 4 am the contractions were roughly every 5-6 minutes but still no water/bloody show. Since it was my first childbirth I thought that it would be good for me to labor a little bit longer at home to make sure that things were really progressing so I wouldn't go to the hospital and then get told I hadn't dilated much or anything and get sent home.
I finally called my Dr. at 5am which wasnt that long but they were pretty much 5 minutes even at that point. We were told to come in and so we got to the hospital at 5:30 and made our way to labor and delivery.
I got sent into one of the check in rooms and the nurse started the process of checking for labor and to see what the dr. wanted to do.
I was dilated 90% and a "stretchy" 4 cm which I guess the wording stretchy made both the nurse and Dr. think "Okay lets go ahead and admit her."
I got hooked up to some monitors while they got everything ready and kept having contractions.
At 6:40 am I was going to get moved so I got unhooked and the nurse asked me if I wanted to use the bathroom before I moved rooms. I told her yes because I felt like I could probably use the bathroom. So I waddled my way in and sat on the toilet and basically eeked out the smallest pee in my life.
Literally though right after that, I felt a really big gush of water come out following it. I knew it wasnt me though because I couldn't control it at all. I'm sure it wasn't that big but it totally felt like the water breaking gushes in the movies that you see.
The nurse then came in and was like "yeah that was your water breaking!" I was pretty relieved it was on the toilet though it could've happened anywhere but at least I didnt make a mess.
So then I get into the room and the dr. and nurse inspect me again since my water broke and used the hook to basically finish what I had started. I had another big gush but then I changed into the gown and basically labored for another 3 hours or so.
At this point we kind of stopped keeping track since we could see on the monitor when I was going to have another contraction. I tried using the birthing ball but out of all the labor positions that one was really painful. I got by by a lot of pacing and standing and then I used the rocking chair which really helped out. The rocking chair was by far the one I liked the most because I would "rock" through the pain.
So by 10:15 am I was really in a lot of pain. My contractions were now coming in at 3-5 minutes and just a lot more painful. I was starting to really think about getting medication to help. The nurse came and inspected and I was 6.5 cm dilated and still 90% effaced.
She gave me then 2 narcotics to try to help relax and dull some of the pain. I was worried I would feel loopy or some of the other side effects that can happen but honestly I felt nothing. I felt slightly relaxed but definitely didn't help with pain at all and I wasn't really even that relaxed.
11:15 am I am still in crazy pain and now talking about wanting the epidural. The nurse inspects me and there was no progression at all. No dilating or effacement. I was getting contractions every 3 minutes and it literally felt like there was no break in between.
She then pages the dr. to come and do the epi for me and I didn't have to wait that long luckily. I dont remember how long I had to wait but I do know that when he came it took a good 20-25 minutes for him to get it in. I thought it would be this crazy weird thing with like my spine going crazy and reading all the horror stories about epidurals gone bad.
But with the contractions still coming through I was trying my hardest to lean over the table as still as possible afraid that I would get paralyzed or something if I didnt.
Once the epi kicked in I had to then just lay in the bed but after being up for so long, Andy and I both were just soo tired. We both passed out and slept. I slept for about an hour and the nurse wanted to check on me. So I was check and was dilated to 9 cm in basically a little over an hour.
That was amazing and scary at the same time. I was thinking that my labor might stall and I'd be laying there for hours. I didn't have to have any pitocin so all I had was my bag of fluids. When the nurse checked me she told me that I would probably be pushing really soon or feeling like maybe I need to push.
Well that got me pretty excited and at that point I couldn't sleep any more. Andy was passed out still. I didn't feel anything really but I guess the dr. who did the epi was apparently pretty drug happy that day because a lot of women got the full dosage.
The nurse and I discussed whether or not to turn the epi off at that point which she could do. Or have to have the dr. come back and turn it down some. Honestly I was scared about feeling the contractions so I asked if the dr. would turn it down some. He dialed it back from a 10 to a 7 but looking back I wish I had told him to turn it down more.
I then was kind of texting on my phone telling people I was getting ready to push soon.
This is where things timing wise get a little fuzzy for me. I blame it on the lack of sleep we had and just the excitement of everything about to happen.
The nurse came in and checked again and even though I said I didn't feel anything she said that he was coming and it was time to push! I think it was around 2 pm at this point so we wake Andy up by saying "Hey Anna's getting ready to push."
He was soo disorientated lol. I think this is where the epidural was not in my favor because I couldn't feel anything. No pressure couldn't even hold my own legs up in a stirrup or anything! And it was dialed back some.
It was my first labor so that could be something to it too but for a good hour I was pushing with each contraction. The nurse was holding my one leg and Andy the other. I actually got a mirror and was looking to see the progress each time I pushed. It felt slow going to me but seeing it little by little was encouraging. There was then a point where his head was then stuck. I was pushing but he was just not coming out. It wasn't out far enough to I guess vaccum out but not going back in.
My dr. then asked me about how I felt about an episiotmy. I was again scared and not wanting to do it. I know that they say that it is better to tear naturally but the dr. was saying that from the looks of it if I kept going I would either just stay stuck or tear worse than the inscision he would make.
I was anxious to finally have my baby so I agreed and he went ahead and did it. He then promised me that with this next contraction I would have my son. Sure enough the contraction came and I pushed as hard as I thought I could. My dr. then told me to stop. and give just a little push to get his head out.
I could see in the mirror that he had the cord wrapped around his neck, which the doctor slipped over his head and then his little hand and arm came out and then all the rest of him and then there he was. Laying on my chest at 3:22 pm.
Now again everything is a blur. I got to hold him for a little bit and then it was time to get his vitals and cleaned up and everything. Andy was then able to be close by him and was next to him while he got everything done.
Well on Wednesday evening around 9pm I felt what was like a pretty intense menstural cramp. It's been like 10 months but that's all I could really think that it felt like. It came really off like maybe every 20 minutes or more but maybe a little less. It was enough to where I was like "Hmm?" but not really thinking anything of it.
I finally thought something was up at around 1 am and started thinking I should write down the times of when they started. So from 1:23 am I would have a contraction every 7-10 minutes for like an hour and a half.
At 3am the contractions were coming around every 5 minutes but there would be some where it was still 7-10 minutes apart. So then I really thought for sure I was in labor but not progressed enough to call the doctors.
I still hadn't had a bloody show or water breaking so that was another reason I held off on calling.
By 4 am the contractions were roughly every 5-6 minutes but still no water/bloody show. Since it was my first childbirth I thought that it would be good for me to labor a little bit longer at home to make sure that things were really progressing so I wouldn't go to the hospital and then get told I hadn't dilated much or anything and get sent home.
I finally called my Dr. at 5am which wasnt that long but they were pretty much 5 minutes even at that point. We were told to come in and so we got to the hospital at 5:30 and made our way to labor and delivery.
I got sent into one of the check in rooms and the nurse started the process of checking for labor and to see what the dr. wanted to do.
I was dilated 90% and a "stretchy" 4 cm which I guess the wording stretchy made both the nurse and Dr. think "Okay lets go ahead and admit her."
I got hooked up to some monitors while they got everything ready and kept having contractions.
At 6:40 am I was going to get moved so I got unhooked and the nurse asked me if I wanted to use the bathroom before I moved rooms. I told her yes because I felt like I could probably use the bathroom. So I waddled my way in and sat on the toilet and basically eeked out the smallest pee in my life.
Literally though right after that, I felt a really big gush of water come out following it. I knew it wasnt me though because I couldn't control it at all. I'm sure it wasn't that big but it totally felt like the water breaking gushes in the movies that you see.
The nurse then came in and was like "yeah that was your water breaking!" I was pretty relieved it was on the toilet though it could've happened anywhere but at least I didnt make a mess.
So then I get into the room and the dr. and nurse inspect me again since my water broke and used the hook to basically finish what I had started. I had another big gush but then I changed into the gown and basically labored for another 3 hours or so.
At this point we kind of stopped keeping track since we could see on the monitor when I was going to have another contraction. I tried using the birthing ball but out of all the labor positions that one was really painful. I got by by a lot of pacing and standing and then I used the rocking chair which really helped out. The rocking chair was by far the one I liked the most because I would "rock" through the pain.
So by 10:15 am I was really in a lot of pain. My contractions were now coming in at 3-5 minutes and just a lot more painful. I was starting to really think about getting medication to help. The nurse came and inspected and I was 6.5 cm dilated and still 90% effaced.
She gave me then 2 narcotics to try to help relax and dull some of the pain. I was worried I would feel loopy or some of the other side effects that can happen but honestly I felt nothing. I felt slightly relaxed but definitely didn't help with pain at all and I wasn't really even that relaxed.
11:15 am I am still in crazy pain and now talking about wanting the epidural. The nurse inspects me and there was no progression at all. No dilating or effacement. I was getting contractions every 3 minutes and it literally felt like there was no break in between.
She then pages the dr. to come and do the epi for me and I didn't have to wait that long luckily. I dont remember how long I had to wait but I do know that when he came it took a good 20-25 minutes for him to get it in. I thought it would be this crazy weird thing with like my spine going crazy and reading all the horror stories about epidurals gone bad.
But with the contractions still coming through I was trying my hardest to lean over the table as still as possible afraid that I would get paralyzed or something if I didnt.
Once the epi kicked in I had to then just lay in the bed but after being up for so long, Andy and I both were just soo tired. We both passed out and slept. I slept for about an hour and the nurse wanted to check on me. So I was check and was dilated to 9 cm in basically a little over an hour.
That was amazing and scary at the same time. I was thinking that my labor might stall and I'd be laying there for hours. I didn't have to have any pitocin so all I had was my bag of fluids. When the nurse checked me she told me that I would probably be pushing really soon or feeling like maybe I need to push.
Well that got me pretty excited and at that point I couldn't sleep any more. Andy was passed out still. I didn't feel anything really but I guess the dr. who did the epi was apparently pretty drug happy that day because a lot of women got the full dosage.
The nurse and I discussed whether or not to turn the epi off at that point which she could do. Or have to have the dr. come back and turn it down some. Honestly I was scared about feeling the contractions so I asked if the dr. would turn it down some. He dialed it back from a 10 to a 7 but looking back I wish I had told him to turn it down more.
I then was kind of texting on my phone telling people I was getting ready to push soon.
This is where things timing wise get a little fuzzy for me. I blame it on the lack of sleep we had and just the excitement of everything about to happen.
The nurse came in and checked again and even though I said I didn't feel anything she said that he was coming and it was time to push! I think it was around 2 pm at this point so we wake Andy up by saying "Hey Anna's getting ready to push."
He was soo disorientated lol. I think this is where the epidural was not in my favor because I couldn't feel anything. No pressure couldn't even hold my own legs up in a stirrup or anything! And it was dialed back some.
It was my first labor so that could be something to it too but for a good hour I was pushing with each contraction. The nurse was holding my one leg and Andy the other. I actually got a mirror and was looking to see the progress each time I pushed. It felt slow going to me but seeing it little by little was encouraging. There was then a point where his head was then stuck. I was pushing but he was just not coming out. It wasn't out far enough to I guess vaccum out but not going back in.
My dr. then asked me about how I felt about an episiotmy. I was again scared and not wanting to do it. I know that they say that it is better to tear naturally but the dr. was saying that from the looks of it if I kept going I would either just stay stuck or tear worse than the inscision he would make.
I was anxious to finally have my baby so I agreed and he went ahead and did it. He then promised me that with this next contraction I would have my son. Sure enough the contraction came and I pushed as hard as I thought I could. My dr. then told me to stop. and give just a little push to get his head out.
I could see in the mirror that he had the cord wrapped around his neck, which the doctor slipped over his head and then his little hand and arm came out and then all the rest of him and then there he was. Laying on my chest at 3:22 pm.
Now again everything is a blur. I got to hold him for a little bit and then it was time to get his vitals and cleaned up and everything. Andy was then able to be close by him and was next to him while he got everything done.
14 May 2010
40 weeks!
So today is my supposed estimated due date. I was so thinking I would go early but it looks like Wilson isn't quite ready yet to come out. I can't say I'm not disappointed though. I am so anxious to meet him and see him and be his mommy! I could tell Andy was also bummed too when we went to the doctors today.
We do have a end date in sight though if Wilson decides to not show up on his own. We went ahead and schedule an induction for Sunday evening on the 23rd. So there is still plenty of time for him to come out on his own but if not he is getting evicted on the 23rd. I am crossing my fingers that he will decide to come out on his own before then but if not oh well! Mommy gave him his chance haha.
I went ahead and started my maternity leave today because well working 9 months pregnant even in an office is very tiring. I kept thinking I could keep working but right now I'm so glad I decided to go ahead and leave. I can take a nap when I want, lay around or walk around when I want and I think it will be nice to enjoy that before I say goodbye to sleep and napping as I know it!
This picture was taken at 39weeks and like 4 days and I'm too lazy to take an actual 40 week picture. I basically look the same anyways so here it is!
We do have a end date in sight though if Wilson decides to not show up on his own. We went ahead and schedule an induction for Sunday evening on the 23rd. So there is still plenty of time for him to come out on his own but if not he is getting evicted on the 23rd. I am crossing my fingers that he will decide to come out on his own before then but if not oh well! Mommy gave him his chance haha.
I went ahead and started my maternity leave today because well working 9 months pregnant even in an office is very tiring. I kept thinking I could keep working but right now I'm so glad I decided to go ahead and leave. I can take a nap when I want, lay around or walk around when I want and I think it will be nice to enjoy that before I say goodbye to sleep and napping as I know it!
This picture was taken at 39weeks and like 4 days and I'm too lazy to take an actual 40 week picture. I basically look the same anyways so here it is!
04 May 2010
38 weeks!
Here is my belly at 38 weeks and a couple days! Still just counting down the days! Wilson is getting really big in there. I can normally feel his back or butt or maybe even chest! I have no idea what it actually is but its there normally on the leftish side of my belly, and his feet or legs up top! He hasn't kicked me in ribs so much any more but I'm pretty sure that's because he doesnt have room to kick!
Just waiting to see when he is going to decide to make his appearance. I'm starting to get really anxious now! I keep thinking he will come early but now I'm not so sure! He may just stay in there forever!
28 April 2010
Wishlist Wednesday!
Some of the mommy blogs I read do this and I thought it would be fun to do! Plus my bff did it last week so I wanna do one too! Haha she's too cool :)
So here is my wishlist!
I am wishing for Wilson! No surprise there but I am wishing for a safe delivery and to have my baby boy! Totally sappy but I just can't help it! I keep having dreams of what his entrance is going to be like? What is the labor going to be like? Am I going to be crazy screaming like the girl in the Exorcist movie the whole time? Will it be easier than I think?
Most importantly, what is he going to look like?!? Will he have hair? Be a baldie? Have eyebrows as big as his daddy? Look even slightly Korean at all? Will he look like a mini Andy?It is all yet to be determined and I cannot WAIT to find out!
Next on my list:
A Mazda 5.
I dont care what anyone says, I absolutely LOVE this car! I keep researching it and its the perfect car for what I want! While it might actually look like a mini van it is actually smaller! I've actually seen one on the road and thought it was a bigger Pontiac Vibe. So it's not your everyday Minivan. Not that I have anything against minivans! I absolutely love minivans and would probably take one over an SUV any day. But a minivan, well they really aren't so mini are they? They have tons of room which is great but starting off I don't think I need one right? The middle aisle actually are normally captain chairs which I thought was great for when we have just 2 kids and if anyone needs to ride along well we have a 3rd back row. From the reviews I read though that 3rd back row is really cramped, but hey if you want a free ride with the Kirks then you are gonna have to deal with it haha. Another thing I love is that 3rd seat is collapsible making tons of room back there.
Basically I am in love with this car/minivan whatever you want to call it. And I swear if my name isn't Anna Marie Kirk I will one day own this car!!! *raises fist in the air*
Okay enough ranting about that. But seriously, I want this car! At some point we are going to need to get a second car for me. Not anytime soon unfortunately but I think Andy knows where this is going haha.
Honestly I've ranted so much about this car I cant think of anything else I would really want besides those two things lol!
OH okay heres another thing:
Sweets of all kinds! GAH! I seriously want to eat everything sweet! I have had a sweet tooth this entire pregnancy. While fruit is amazing, most everything I have craved have been baked sweet things. Cakes, doughnuts, muffins, cookies.
Maybe this is a sign Wilson will be a sweet little boy hahah!
So here is my wishlist!
I am wishing for Wilson! No surprise there but I am wishing for a safe delivery and to have my baby boy! Totally sappy but I just can't help it! I keep having dreams of what his entrance is going to be like? What is the labor going to be like? Am I going to be crazy screaming like the girl in the Exorcist movie the whole time? Will it be easier than I think?
Most importantly, what is he going to look like?!? Will he have hair? Be a baldie? Have eyebrows as big as his daddy? Look even slightly Korean at all? Will he look like a mini Andy?It is all yet to be determined and I cannot WAIT to find out!
Next on my list:
A Mazda 5.
I dont care what anyone says, I absolutely LOVE this car! I keep researching it and its the perfect car for what I want! While it might actually look like a mini van it is actually smaller! I've actually seen one on the road and thought it was a bigger Pontiac Vibe. So it's not your everyday Minivan. Not that I have anything against minivans! I absolutely love minivans and would probably take one over an SUV any day. But a minivan, well they really aren't so mini are they? They have tons of room which is great but starting off I don't think I need one right? The middle aisle actually are normally captain chairs which I thought was great for when we have just 2 kids and if anyone needs to ride along well we have a 3rd back row. From the reviews I read though that 3rd back row is really cramped, but hey if you want a free ride with the Kirks then you are gonna have to deal with it haha. Another thing I love is that 3rd seat is collapsible making tons of room back there.
Basically I am in love with this car/minivan whatever you want to call it. And I swear if my name isn't Anna Marie Kirk I will one day own this car!!! *raises fist in the air*
Okay enough ranting about that. But seriously, I want this car! At some point we are going to need to get a second car for me. Not anytime soon unfortunately but I think Andy knows where this is going haha.
Honestly I've ranted so much about this car I cant think of anything else I would really want besides those two things lol!
OH okay heres another thing:
Sweets of all kinds! GAH! I seriously want to eat everything sweet! I have had a sweet tooth this entire pregnancy. While fruit is amazing, most everything I have craved have been baked sweet things. Cakes, doughnuts, muffins, cookies.
Maybe this is a sign Wilson will be a sweet little boy hahah!
26 April 2010
37 weeks!
Well here I am coming up on the home stretch! 37 weeks no stretch marks but the belly button is fully an outie. You can kind of see it poking out a little though. I feel clumsier, slower, tired, cranky, impaitent!
Going to the doctors weekly now until I go into labor so I thought I would take a weekly belly shot for this last month rather than every 2 like I had been doing. So far my body is making some progress but I know that that's not a very good indication of when I'll actually go into labor.
My intuition tells me though that I will be giving birth before my due date. I guess we will see if it's right or not! But I knew when I got pregnant that I was having a boy :)
Everything is pretty much ready except for the carseat which Andy and I can't figure out how to get in there right. Hopefully we can get it fixed before I go into labor haha!
It would be sooooo much easier if we didnt have a 2 door car. UGH! (see what I mean about the cranky thing?) Plus I have always hated 2 door cars and I always will so it really irritates me.
I will be starting my leave possibly in another 2 weeks if I decide to start it then. I haven't decided if I just want to keep working or just stop. I know I would be bored at home and with no car I would pretty much be sitting at home. So... I might keep working until my due date. Hopefully I don't go into labor at work but if I do oh well!
It won't be the end of the world except that we would have to make a quick stop at home to grab all our stuff. Just a few more weeks!
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