Hanging out

Wilson is starting to learn to smile and I tried to capture it on film last night but of course once I grabbed the camera he was more interested in staring at it and me than smiling. Oh well he's still super cute and I love just getting to hang out with him when he's not getting mad at no one holding him!

Five Question Friday

1. Do you know how to play a musical instrument?
No, when I was younger I was learning to play the piano. A dream of my mom. Too bad she set me up with a teacher who only spoke Korean. So it made it kind of hard to actually learn haha.

2. What is your pet peeve while driving?
People who speed like crazy and cut you off. I get that you have somewhere to go but do you have to be a jerk about it? I'm not talking about if you are in crazy traffic. I know big cities this can happen a lot more so I wonder if I would ever be able to not have crazy road rage in a big city.

Ooh also there is the unspoken rule on interstate right? Slow driving in the right lane and if you are going to pass then you get in the left lane. So why do I always get stuck behind someone in the LEFT lane going slower than the car in the right? OMG people! Okay deep breath calm down!

3. Would you rather have a housekeeper or unlimited spa services?
Housekeeper for sure! especially when I have more than one little Kirk! I already find it hard keeping the house clean with just an infant who just lays there. I can't imagine when Wilson is running around and throwing everything around and or if I have other babies.
So as awesome as unlimited spa time is, I would take housekeeper.

4. Is there a song that you hear that will take you back to the moment, like a junior high or high school dance?
Definitely all the All 4 one songs. I swear by all 4 one. Thats a big one. I think that was like THE slow song to dance to back in Junior High.

5. What song best represents your life right now?
Everything by Michael Buble.

Listening to it just puts me in a great mood and it really epitomizes how I feel mostly about Andy.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

June 20th was a busy day!

So yesterday was Fathers Day, my brother turned 23, and Wilson officially turned a month old!

I bought Andy a card and a photo frame for him to put up at work and the Dvd, I love you man.
I originally was going to buy him a cheesy fathers day present like a Tshirt or Mug but I figured there will be many more father's day to come and maybe one day our kids will get him something like that.

My dad still has his Best dad in the World mug that I got for him years and years ago. So sometimes cheesy can turn into sentimental.

So now that Wilson is a month old how much has he changed? We can definitely tell he is getting bigger but we won't know for sure until we go to the Dr. in July for his 2 month appointment.
He is making more noises, he will grunt and make funny sighs while eating sometimes. I heard him giggle one time while he was taking a nap. Well it was more of a short chuckle but he must've been having a good dream and I thought it was just the cutest thing.

He eats like a pig! He normally always finishes his bottle of 4 oz. and there have been times we had to make another 2 oz. because he is still hungry!

Sleeping wise we normally can get 3 hours during the night. So far we haven't had anything longer than 3 and half hours. Hopefully as he gets bigger he will sleep a little bit longer at least during the night would be nice!

Looks wise he still looks like me! Sorry Daddy! Maybe as he gets older and his features change he will grow to look like a mix of us but right now it's all mommy!

annoucement!

So excited to have finally gotten my announcements in the mail today. They are all ready sealed and ready to be mailed out tomorrow so I'm going to go ahead and share on here what they look like!

Here is the front of the announcement:


And here is what the back looks like:


I seriously love them sooo much! and the pictures on the back I actually took myself on my own camera! The front one is the one we got at the hospital.

expectations vs. reality

so based on my post you can guess what I may blog about here! Before actually having Wilson I had these expectations for my labor and after what it would be like actually having him.

expectation 1. that wilson would come early. stubborn boy proved me wrong and came almost a week late. I am happy though that I didn't have to get induced though.

expectation 2. having an all natural childbirth. I really thought I would be able to do it! But man when my contractions started coming in at 3 minutes apart it was just agony! I was fearful of getting an epidural but at that point I was just so exhausted and in pain that I literally didn't care!

expectation 3. that breastfeeding would be easy. in essence it SHOULD be easy I mean it's just baby and boob right?

expectation 4. that taking care of Wilson would really stress me out. This luckily hasn't been too big of an issue. Yes I get frustrated when Wilson is really fussy but I haven't had any major breakdowns except for the one I had over breastfeeding that first week. It's really more of a guessing game as to what gets him to settle down. Sometimes its swaddling. sometimes using the swing, sometimes laying in his little chair or boppy but most of the time its by laying on mommy's chest.

expectation5. i wouldn't lose any weight or hardly any. I gained almost 40 pounds and in less than a month have already lost 30 of it. I know those last 10 are going to be hard to lose if I don't work out but I'm really happy to have found out that I lost that much already!

expectation 6. my recovery would take a long time. I already feel almost back to normal! I didn't have any soreness with my epidural in my back and all in all healed pretty well so far! I was expecting to have a longer recovery but so far so good!

expectation 7. saying goodbye to sleep as I know it. My reality now is sleeping in these block shifts. I used to sleep 9-10 hours a night and now sleeping intermittently just makes me feel tired pretty much all day even with the nap here and there.

expectation 8. i fully expected Wilson to look like a mini Andy! So imagine my suprise to have a little mini me instead! he is only 1/4 korean so I totally didn't think the asian genes would even show up!

i have more i could probably come up with but i'm tired and its almost time for bed time.

Sucker

Since becoming pregnant and having Wilson I am easily suckered into spending all my money.

Case in point. Really expensive hospital pictures.. So enjoy my hard earn cash.

First week down.

So Wilson's first week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Joy over finally having him, anxiety from being a first time parent, and then with his feeding and weight loss issues a lot of fear and guilt.

The 3 days at the hospital it seemed like everything was easy. I had breastfeeding down and while there were a couple issues with his latching on and positioning, the biggest thing was that I wasn't expressing even a teaspoon of colostrum yet. The nurses and lactation consultants were a big help and we really loved our nurse Becky that got to work with us for 2 shifts! She was really helpful and so sweet and we got along great.

Coming home was a bit different though. We now had this little baby and were all by ourselves and that first night alone was quite scary! I was still struggling with the breastfeeding and by the time nighttime rolled around Wilson was up and not a happy camper.

On Sunday we were still trying to get by but Wilson was just soo not happy and crying constantly. We both were thinking that newborns are supposed to sleep a lot and eat and be changed and that was it. But Wilson was up a lot and would hardly sleep and was by this time having major problems with the breastfeeding. After another long and sleepless night with Wilson crying and basically not calming down enough to breastfeed. We got to go to the Dr. on Monday morning.

When we left the hospital he weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces and had already lost 6 which of course is normal.
By tuesday when we weighed him his weight had shockingly dropped to 6 pounds 5 ounces.

Andy and I were both really upset. The pediatrician then recommended we start supplementing right away and was frankly worried about the weight loss as well.
We also consulted with the lactation nurse and tried to get a little more help with the breastfeeding. My milk still hadnt come in so while Wilson got fed a little at the feeding it still was not enough to satisfy him.

We got home and immediately gave him a bottle which he drank almost as fast as we had gotten it ready. From there he has just been a feeding machine and we had to supplement with a lot of formula. He was showing signs of hunger every 2 hours almost if not less! They had told us that with the formula he would feel fuller and maybe eat every 3-4 hours but with him it was not the case.

We also had jaundice problems which stemmed from the feeding problems. Those couple days of him not eating anything made him not have wet/dirty diapers hardly at all. Which means that he couldnt get rid of the bilirubin in his body. We had to put him on a bili blanket and that also was very hard because it really hinders how you can hold him and makes it difficult.

All in all those first 3 days at home were just hard. I was trying to pump, feed, and then pump some more and then supplement feed him. And I was overwhelmed. I had a mini breakdown on Wednesday and just cried and cried. I definitely felt like I had let him down and had starved him and by this point hated breastfeeding. I know part of it was I was tired but part of it is feeling so much pressure to do it.

Andy made me try to go lay down and sleep but I just couldn't at that point I was just too upset. He and I discussed it and decided that formula feeding is probably what is going to work best with us. I still feel guilt about it but already I feel a huge weight off my chest. Not having to worry about my milk supply and pumping and being able to enjoy actually feeding him!

I will probably get a lot of flak or opinions about the breastmilk but for my own sanity thats what we have decided to do.

On a better note since we started the formula everything has become better. Wilson is much more content and back on track with the weight and wet/dirty diapers. We are still trying to work out a schedule for him as far as nights go because he definitely is a little more fussy at night than during the day.

All in all this week has definitely been a rollercoaster for Andy and I both. We are trying to take it one day at a time and enjoy Wilson as he changes with each day.